Loose tanks, braids, high top sneaks
Loose tanks, braids, high top sneaks
yesterday marked two years since he told me he found someone new. it would have slipped by me, but there are things about this time of year (the gradual humidity increase, lilacs, summer travel plans, dc greek fest), that deliver the reminder.
more importantly, i realized a short time ago that it isn’t a thing that bothers me anymore. the friends i’ve made and incredible things that have happened since then make me feel like a giant idiot to have allowed myself to hurt that much.
you make a playful and rhetorical suggestion via text message that he buy you a plane ticket, and an hour later a flight confirmation is in your inbox.
tonight on the bus, a dad and his three kids (ages (appx) 4, 6 and 8) hopped on, dad holding a big pizza box. the youngest boy was wearing blue superga sneakers and the 8-year-old girl was using her calculator like a phone. couldn’t stop smiling at their goofy sayings.
kids require so much damn attention and energy, it’s unreal. i just can’t even imagine having any of my own. weird. i’m sure that’ll pass, though.
- me: percival. what an odd name.
- dino: also herbert. and roderick. and woodrowe.
Aquarius: This week will be full of thaws, full of soft things, full of an almost unbearable sweetness, full of moments so bright and so quiet that you can’t even move from all the happiness you feel. Try not to hold onto it inside you or predict when it’ll all fly away—just let this sweet hang in the air, let it roll over you, let it live in your body. Do the chores and make the phone calls you’ve been avoiding, then eat ice cream with your lunch. Take the long way home from work. Call your mom, just to see how she’s doing.
“Creation comes from an overflow, so you have to learn to intake, to imbibe, to nourish yourself and not be afraid of fullness. The fullness is like a tidal wave which then carries you, sweeps you into experience and into writing.
Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities… ”
my procrastination has reached the point where i’m making a list of awesome things i can do once i’m done writing this essay.
You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.
-Dear Sugar #64. Forgiveness.
Funnest trip I’ve taken in years. Will spend the next 24 hours in and out of the sky and airports daydreaming and reflecting.
Strong people are the ones who often venture beyond their comfort zones, so they can expand it by overcoming fear in many different areas.” —
Mindfulness, productivity, honesty
Driving a vehicle + Spotify, wine, snow, text messages.
-“do you get stressed a lot?”
-“no, actually. but i’m not sure how i feel about that. because i think struggle is good.”
-“well - i’ll stress you out”
I ran to the end of the beach and took my headphones out, feet killing me, and the people were gone — I left them all behind at the busy pier. What a weird feeling.
“[It was] the kind of shot which was impossible to take before this camera was there.”
-Iwan Baan, on his incredible capture for New York Magazine. “It was more difficult to rent a car than a helicopter in New York the day after Sandy.”
Dogfish Dash Weekend. Saw the ocean during the harvest moon, ran 3.1 miles, was rewarded with Dogfish Head Shelter Ale + friends, swam in the ocean (under the sun this time), napped in the car, and came back to start the workweek…
Unimpressed with my time, but everything that actually mattered was so awesome.
- Brian: i am not sure if i am experiencing reality about 75% of the time
- Brian: in case you were wondering
This post makes me realize a) the anguish I felt about Ian that just wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried, is now so much less poignant (15 months later). It wasn’t any one specific thing. Mostly it’s just due to time.
And b) i have wonderful friends who did a lot of these kinds of things for me.
I don’t know if it has anything to do with moving season or not, but now it seems to be breakup season. The worst season.
When I went through my own Seminal Mid-20s Breakup With the Person That You Thought You Were Going To Marry But Then Didn’t (SM20sBWTPTYTYWGTMBTD), there were only two things that made me feel … not better, exactly, but not quite as much the ‘I can feel the sadness everywhere, even in my lungs, even in my wrists, even in my armpits’ feeling:
1. Frozen raspberries
2. My friends
You can’t take the boundless, multifaceted sorrow of a breakup away from someone. That is like mopping up a flood with paper towels. But you can be there, to remind them that you love the shit out of them and that things will not always be like this and maybe sometimes distract them. Some effective techniques, after the jump.
Seeing three of my favorite bands in the span of six days: wonderful.
#1 Dismemberment Plan IN TWO DAYS. Remember how they broke up years ago?!
Searching for beautiful photos of Belize on the internet shouldn’t even qualify as a search. It’s like you just type in the name and they appear. So many of them.
It’s the type of place where the water is literally that color, like Grenada. No filters.
November? Thinkin’ so…
I did not actually make peace with the experience until I realized that I would never totally move past it. It is a part of me and it always will be. It has changed me.
All metro stations have mobile reception now, allowing me to read these kinds of Quora threads without thinking too hard about why. This one made me tear up on the train.
- Dino: i'd write a book if i wasn't so lazy. instead, i just add a notch to my desk for every person i made cry.
I’m slightly amazed I even made it home tonight, as this whole debacle broke out while I was on a green line train, northbound for Columbia Heights.
Metro makes me chuckle the same way the perpetual incompetence at my office makes me chuckle. Incredulity. When can I move to a place where things are normal?
A piece of paper falls off the subwoofer due to bass from Frozen Planet and at once, the entire crowd of 11 debate hausers erupts into applause.
“Some people are just so beautiful, and it’s natural. You’re like that.”
- Dino: i suddenly imagined a fake conversation between us
- Dino: me: alison, you know what's my favorite part about you? you: what? me: everything! you: you know what's my most annoying part about you? me: what? you: everything!
back to listening to real estate, making my goals less fuzzy, recovering from sunday morning difficulty, and not sleeping when i should be. i will never go to bed before 1am.
Why can’t 24 hours go by without me thinking about him? As though I’m seeking my daily dose of sadness. An addiction.